Tuesday, September 27, 2011

15 Minutes of Fame

Since I'm new to the blogosphere I'm actively trying not to outright offend anyone. I've said some pretty fucked up things in my time. Thoughts come to me. The filter is on the fritz, I say what I'm thinking and then I get the O_o face from people. It happens and I've made peace with it. In the interest of gaining minions followers I've been easing into my vulgarity. At this moment I say fuck that! There are blogs I've started following because they are vulgar, rude and down right hysterical. By nature I'm not a PC person. And at 26 years young there's no point in starting now.

On several blogs I follow I've noticed the "Shameless" topic. I've decided to follow suit and give it a try. From what I understand it's a 30 day challenge to be shameless by doing a specific task each day. I'm too lazy and irresponsible to do this according to a schedule so I'll just do them as I damn well please. As I said I've seen it floating around but specifically I'm kidnapping the idea from AlyssaGoesBang.

For my first shameless confession topic I'm going with #20: Talk about sex.

Last November, for my 26th birthday, I round up my 4 very best friends and went out for the night. It was a planned evening of dinner and a show followed by drinking and dancing at one of my fave bars in the city. Tame sounding right? Possibly. Except dinner and a show was at Lips which is a drag bar. Dinner was good. The show? Even better. One of my best friends is gay and married and I have spent many a night in gay bars with him. They were some of my best times.

So since we were there celebrating my birthday, as were others, I was granted a hand-crafted, sparkling crown. All birthday participants were also invited on stage for free dessert and a picture (Score!) The show was amazing. If you've never been to a drag bar I highly suggest you go. It is nothing short of a great time.

Midway through the waxed arms, skimpy outfits and makeup that would make the MAC girls jealous they called all birthday participants back to the stage for a contest. I didn't really want to march my 4" heels back up on stage but my inner diva forced me to go. Hosting Queen announced that we were not required to participate if we didn't want to. As I'm fully enveloped in an inner monologue I hear the Queen state that we are having an orgasm faking contest. WHAT?! Of course everyone in the crowd cheers. If you were up here you wouldn't be cheering. In the nanoseconds it took for this to register my inner Jiminy was screaming at me to get of the stage. However, shame trumps all and I remember thinking, "I walked all the way up here in these heels, I'm staying!" One girl couldn't get off the stage fast enough and out of the maybe 9 of us that had been up there, 4 remained.

Fortunately for me I was to perform second. I figured that was enough time to get "in the mood". The 1st girl went and she was all "Oooooh! Fuck me daddy!" People cheered and I admit, I was impressed. Here it is. My turn. The pressure is on. The lights are shining. The Queen has the mic in my face. It's O time! I gave it my best but kept it relatively simple. You know, moaning, panting, all that jazz. I finished (ahh I love perfectly fitting, unplanned puns) and people were cheering for me as well.  The last 2 girls went and in all honesty their fake O was bad. Really bad. I'm going to assume that they may not have had the pleasure, and I do mean pleasure of having a real one to base their fake on. Harsh, I know. But we're talking about the O zone people! Either score or... well...just score.

Clearly the last 2 contestants were out so it was just me and Ms. Daddy. The Queen made everyone be quiet by threatening them with penis violation and then told them to cheer for Ms. Daddy. The subjects obeyed and she promptly threatened them into silence again. Then she tells them to cheer for me. It was louder! Me?! I'm the better faker?! This cannot be happening! But alas, in this room of 200+ strangers I had just become very intimate with, I was the champ.

I'm 2nd from the Queen. (The curly one is me)
It gets better....

After leaving the bar and walking a block in the wrong direction we turn around and are carrying on like a bunch of assholes when this random girl says, "Hey? Aren't you the one who won the orgasm contest? They're looking for you to give you your prize."

There it is. My 15 minutes of (sexual) fame. You know you've made it when random people recognize you on the street.

Like they say.... Fake it 'till you make it!

1 comment :

  1. Loved this story, but c'mon! You can't NOT tell us what they gave you as a prize!

    P.S. It's O Time instead of It's Go Time? I see what you did there. And what you did there was BRILLIANT.