October 20, 2011

Feelings from 14

I love to write. I love the feeling of pen to paper. The feel of the ink flowing, the smoothness of the sheets (I'll admit I hoard gel pens and notebooks). When I was kid I would write short stories but they never went anywhere. I could start, build a little story and even get in dialogue (in 3rd/4th grade I think this is worthy of a little pat on the back), but I was never sure how to end it without it seeming as if the characters were just cliff diving into the ending. Thus, the stories were always unfinished.

When I was a13 I wrote my first poem. It was about how terrible my birthday was going.  Obviously I'm no Maya Angelou, so it's not something that I would consider myself good at, which brings me to #7 Share your efforts at something you don't think you do well.

I prefer poetry that rhymes, but that's probably just my obsession with structure. It's not something I ever bring up. Mainly because I don't want to hear people give the generic comments of 'that's nice' or whatnot. Poetry is personal. I don't expect someone else to like, understand or feel what I have written. This is also probably the reason I don't like to read poetry. I never understand what I've read. In high school when we'd read passages or poems sometimes I thought I understood it but then we'd review and it turns out I was way off. That always threw me. Since poetry is personal shouldn't interpretation be up to the reader? In any event I gave it up a long time ago but in the interest of sharing, blogging and checking things off my lists, I present "You".

As a background, I wrote when I was 14 about a guy that I was crazy about. More so than I should have been. A few years later I stumbled upon some website for poetry submission. I didn't think anything of it but submitted it anyway. It ended up being selected to be published in an anthology. Reading it at 26 is comical. But at 14...

You said you didn't want to hurt me
   but you did it anyway
   you may not be aware of it
   but I think about it everyday

I think of how you held me
   I think of how we kissed
   I think of the times we shared
   and that is what I miss

I care about you
   but do you care about me
   I think that you do
   but please try and see

Try and see the way I love you
   try and see the way i care
   try and understand
   that the pain is too much to bare

I don't know what to say to you
   then again, maybe I do
   I care so much about you
   please tell me you do too

So you do care about me
   at least that's what you say
   you may care a lot
   but you broke my heart anyway

1 comment:

  1. You're so very brave for posting a poem you wrote when you were 14. I couldn't do that. I assure you mine were probably worse. Hell, I cringe when I read things I wrote just 3 years ago.