Friday, December 23, 2011

Misplaced

We're down to the wire. Christmas is now 2 days away.

Moving on...

I feel really bad about Reverb. I've been seriously slacking. It's not easy to write meaningful, quality posts every day. So to those that do post daily... Kudos. It's not easy. I'll try to catch up on my Reverbs once the weekend is over. The fact that I can no longer blog at work is a big hindrance but I'll do my best.

So I have to take this post to Serious Town and I feel bad about it but it's something I've got to say. So you know, I'm going to say it.

Here’s the problem. As I blog this from my rents laptop waiting for A Christmas Story to start (at midnight) I can’t help but feel out of place. In my parents’ house. A house I used to live in. I haven’t lived here since April 2003. I haven’t lived in the state since April 2005. Suffice it to say, my life is no longer here. My life, all of it, is in NJ. For the past 8 years I have built a life for myself in NJ. Friends, jobs, business I frequent… all of it. When people ask me where I’m from I say NJ. No I may not have lived there my entire life, but it’s home. And it’s where I feel I belong.

When I come to my parents’ house I feel entirely out of place. Like a stranger. I enjoy the 48-72 hours that I spend with them but I am so relieved when I get to go home to MY house. To MY bed and MY things. Sometimes I feel guilty about being so happy to go home but most of the time I feel it’s just the way it’s supposed to be. Still… shouldn’t I feel comfortable at my parents’ house? Shouldn’t I feel as if I belong here? Sadly, I guess, I don’t. And although Christmas Eve isn’t even here, let alone Christmas, I already find myself yearning to making the 3 hour trip back to my house.

I can’t be the only one who feels this way… right? To feel out of place in a town you spent 20 years in?


4 comments :

  1. I don't know...I kind of feel like that's how its supposed to be when you grow up and move out, no? Like if you look at stereotypical holiday movies (cuz I assume real life is just like that), the adult kids always kinda dread going home and suffer through cuz you know, family and all that. Watch Home for the Holidays.

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  2. Growing up can mean a number of things. You can grow out of clothes, shoes, friends, and sometimes family. That will never change the fact that they are family. Its like me as much as I miss going home and being around my family I am always "ready to leave". The thing is that you have found your place in life. That place is in NJ. You deeply love your family and you love the life you have made for yourself. It's all in how you look at it.. XOXO

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  3. I don't think you should feel bad about that. I live with my dad and even though I lived with my mum for several years, whenever I'm there I feel like I'm just a guest. I even ask to go to the toilet and what not.

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  4. I never really understood that You Can Never Go Home Again quote until I went home after living away for awhile. Home is in Massachusetts now. Crazy. I'm a fucking New Englander. Can't even say that out loud without cracking up.

    Anyway, I hear you. And you know what sucks even more? I wonder if my parents do the same thing-- like if they're RELIEVED when I leave because they can get back to their routine.

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