On top of school/car/money stress I'll be an Aunt by the end of the month.
My sister's baby shower is this Sunday and I'm kind of freaking out. I've always said I was made to be an Aunt but I'm really not ready for this. Not yet.
Sure it will be exciting to buy cute clothes and play with her. She'll be 8 months by December so Christmas will be fun again (Welcome back Kotter, Santa!). And I get to be the cool Aunt that lives in the city and can take her to all the fun touristy things when she gets older. In short, I can spoil her rotten. I do look forward to that. And yet, I'm terrified for my sister. I mean, if you've noticed, human procreation freaks me out. Not the act of, that's fun, the whole welcome-to-the-world process.It makes mes SQUEEE and not in a good way. But for her, I'm even more freaked out. She's 16. I was thinking yesterday, she has way more courage than I do. Sometimes I think of being "with child" and it makes me want to cry with fear. I can't imagine how she feels.
My mom is being amazing. I know she's devastated and this is obviously not the path she'd have chosen but she's also not being one of those asshole parents that kicks their kid out. As much as they don't want a baby in the house, my mom, in good conscience can do nothing but help my sister. When my mom was 22 she had me. And her mother did everything possible to help her. She can't not do the same. And that brings us back to this weekend. The shower.
When my mom first mentioned the idea of having a shower I said that this isn't something you normally throw a shower for. She agreed but mentioned that my sister was going to need a lot of things and she wouldn't be able to get it all. This I understood. So she's throwing a shower. It's basically going to be my moms friends and coworkers, myself and my cousin from PA. As much as I've been anticipating going, I'm also dreading it. I don't want to see her preggo. My sister just started wearing size 1 jeans 2 years ago - she's that slim. She's going to look like someone sewed a beach ball beneath her skin and truthfully, I don't think I can handle seeing that. I hope she's wearing a baggy sweatshirt. I know it seems horrible and like I'm overreacting but what can I say? Pr_gn_ncy (care to buy a vowel?) makes me uncomfortable.
I completely fell off the ball when it came to Scintilla. The challenge is over now and although a few posts were interesting to write, I didn't feel that I could relate to the prompts at all. This one I liked but it was definitely something for a Random Wednesday post, so here it is, a little fluff to get us over the hump. Write a list of 23. (23 things to do, 23 people you owe apologies to, 23 books you've lied about reading, 23 things you can see from where you're sitting, 23 ten-word hooks for stories you want to tell....)
23 things huh? I'd love to jump on my soapbox and proclaim that this will be easy but I know better.
the smell ofpotting soil
the sound ofhigh heelson the floor
the smell ofhoneysuckle
the smell oflibrarybooks
the feel ofmossbeneath my feet
the sound of tires crunching overgravel
the feel of ahorse'snose (this is what velvet should feel like)
the way the air smells after itrains
the way my muscles hurt after a good workout, orsex