Monday, June 18, 2012

Letters to God

Dear God,

I hate you right now. I know I shouldn't say that but I have never been so mad at you in my 27 years. How could you do this? How could you let this happen? WHY would you let something like this happen. I know "life isn't fair" but this is cruel.

You didn't give me any time with her. You put her here, gave her a hard life and then took her from me. How is the godly? How can someone so loving be so mean. I don't care if it's your plan. How can you take someone so beautiful. So kind. So loyal. So smart. Someone with a new baby. How and why.

And yet tomorrow you expect me to stand up and say goodbye to her. How can you expect me to look into her beautiful face when you let something so tragic happen to her. How am I supposed to make it through the next 48 hours? I've been told you never give us more than we can handle. I can't handle this. How can you ask someone to do this, to move on from this?

You'll never be able to answer me will you.

9 comments :

  1. Awww, I'm so sorry. :( I have no words.

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  2. I would ask the very same questions - I wish there was an answer. xo

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  3. You probably won't get an answer no. I'm not going to give you any faith affirming words, you aren't interested in them, but I will say I'm sorry for your loss. Keep an eye on the little one, and that you're still here is a sign you can deal with it. You can survive it at least. Just be there for the little one, and keep on going. Say goodbye while you can so that you don't regret having never said it. 

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  4. justkeepinitrealfolksJune 19, 2012 at 6:34 AM

    So very sorry!!! Thinking of you.

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  5. APrinceAndProzacJune 19, 2012 at 1:10 PM

    this gave me chills. What you're feeling is terrible, beyond words terrible, and I'm so sorry.

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  6. Oh sweetie, I'm terribly behind on my reading due to the move but the first line of this jumped out so hard it nearly knocked me down. I'm so sorry baby.. for all that you are going through. I'm here for you! 

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  7. I'm so sorry. I'm keeping you and your family in my thoughts.

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  8. http://goo.gl/IbiwD

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  9. You may never know why. And that sucks. Really f*cking sucks. But I hope her memorial was everything you hoped it would be. I doubt there can be closure, but you could stand up and tell the world what she meant to you, at least. Hear her name echo through the entire hall. Know that she will NEVER be forgotten. 

    I'm keeping you and yours in my thoughts. Keep writing. You don't have to post it here, but I think letters like these are essential. And I wish I had some answers for you.

    Love.

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