Monday, September 3, 2012

Bi and Bye

Happy Labor Day peeps!

Hope you're all enjoying your days off, and if not, well, I hope you're having a good day.

Last week a coworker said she had a juicy story to tell me about the guy she's been seeing. My guess was he's really married. That's what she was expecting as well.

Turns out, the bombshell that he dropped was that he's bi. Say whaaaaat?

My initial reaction? Laugh.

Yeah, I know. Not the most supportive reaction but I couldn't help it. I'm known to laugh at inappropriate moments and this was no exception. Besides, it wasn't at all what I was expecting to hear. What exactly do you even say to that?! Oh, that's ok. I like guys, remember. 

Fortunately for her (I guess) she was slightly jaded by sangria so she didn't start freaking out at him. He admitted that he was avoiding anything sexual because he was worried how she'd react, even though he'd make plenty of innuendos. Apparently she reacted rather calmly and he took that as a sign that she was ok with it.

She then asked me what my opinion on the situation was and what I would do. That alone tells me she's on the fence. Me? I'm clearly on one side. I'm on the Bye side.

It's not that I'm against being bisexual. If that's what you're into then knock your socks off. Personally, I just think it's an excuse. But it's a serious gray area, so I'll try to explain.

For one, just no. I will not date someone who is interested in both sexes for that reason alone. They're sexually interested in both sexes.

Two, I don't get caught up in the jealousy game but now I'd have to worry about keeping my guy's focus not only away from other women, but other men too. That's work. There's a lot of eye candy out there! I mean every time he says he's meeting the guys for drinks, is there going to be an "after party" I should know about?

Three, and this is backed by my gay bff, most bisexual males are just in the closet and not ready to admit they're gay. I don't know about you, but I'd rather not be the woman who helped "Dave" realize that he truly has a taste for men.

Although she agreed with my points exactly as I stated them she's going to have a sit down with him to find out the extent of his, uhh, relations. How long, how many, if it's a past or present lifestyle, etc. I could do nothing but laugh, shake my head and say good luck.


And of course I have to ask - what would you do? Have you been in this situation before? How did you handle it? Would you give a bi-guy a shot or just say bye?


  1. Well being a bi guy I am of course going to want to give them a shot. I don't think she has anything to worry about with him being bi. Eye candy? No problem. If a person is in love, if they want to be with someone, then no one, ever, regardless of sex, can change that. Saying that I wouldn't get with a bi guy because I might wonder if he might go to a woman is like saying I wouldn't go out with a pure gay guy because I would be worried he'd leave me for another man. Which is what I do, which is why I'm no good in a relationship. If you love and trust someone, then it doesn't matter who or what they're looking at. At the end of the day, they come back to you, and they get their love from you, and give you theirs. 

    Most bisexual men probably are closeted yes (PS sexual orientation has NOTHING to do with AIDS.) and I wouldn't want to be the person who drove someone to the same sex (been there done that actually) but by dumping him, on virtue of him being bi, it's going to damage the hell out of him. 

    I have been with a bisexual woman. Two actually. One left me for another man, and one left me for another woman. These kinds of things happen in every relationship. Straight, gay, bi, whatever, the threats to a relationship stay the same regardless of anyone's sexual orientation, and it's not fair to dump a guy just because he's bi. He trusted her enough to tell her, and he clearly cares about her. That should be what matters. 

  2. Sorry if I sound like I'm attacking you or anything. 

  3. You're right. I didn't mean to say that being bi is wrong (if that's how it was taken) because I think THAT is wrong. Sexual orientation is up to the individual in my opinion. And yes, sexual orientation has ZERO to do with AIDS. 

    But yes, if there is trust than it should be a non issue. For me personally, I still don't know if I could say ok and just move on. I think it would always be in the back of my mind you know? But you make a very compelling argument.

  4. It didn't sound like that at all :) Don't worry. At least you didn't use the "bi people are just whores" argument which some people genuinely believe. 


  6. I agree that most bisexual males (most, not all), are just closeted gays.  I can't blame em, I'd probably do the same thing if I was a guy and only half ready to come out. That would be tough. Society totally is a lot more accepting of bi women than men. 

  7. Oh this is better said than what I said.