Wednesday, January 22, 2014

Plan B

Little known fact, I graduated high school in 2002. I went to community college and dropped out with about a semester and a half left to go. It's one of the only real regrets of my life. Getting my Bachelor's has always been my goal and I've made several attempts to make it a reality. In doing that I've learned that online classes are not for me. I've also learned that how hard you work in class is determined by who's footing the bill. Guess who always attends class now?

My college path was not one I'd ever envisioned for myself. In short, I moved to NJ, worked at Nordstrom for awhile, then started working for a friend's father's firm. I had been there about 2.5 years when I decided to go back to school for good. So here I am, in the final year for my bachelor's. The thing is, it's always good to have a back up plan. I happen to have several.

For the record, this is all in fun

Promo Girl
Bars are my second home and I'm a perpetual flirt. If I need to flirt with some guy to push them into buying shots or whatever beers are on special, I'll do it. Plus, sometimes you get to wear fun costumes.

Yeah, I said it.  The way books smell, especially the old ones, the way the sound and feel when turning pages, the glossy covers... I'm obsessed with books. I pretty much hoard them. I have entire shelves of unread books that I just had to have. I'll get to them... eventually. So not only do I get to hang out in one of my favorite places, but, I look cute alright in glasses. Win.

I'm kind of only half kidding about this. The way I see it, it's the most lucrative of the options. I start dancing in a place that's not too great. You know, to get the swing of things. As I work my way up the ladder pole I'll move to a different club, one that's fancier and I can be part of the Wednesday night A team. Eventually I'll excel at my job and will be dancing Burlesque in one of downtown's hottest Burlesque clubs.

Ben & Jerry's Taste Tester
I love me some B&J's. I discovered it when I was 19 I think, and it's been an amazing love affair ever since. Chubby Hubby (#1 fave), Karamel Sutra, Pumpkin Cheesecake ( #2 fave)... what's not to love!? But somewhere up in Vermont is a person who must try these flavors. Someone has to tell Ben or Jerry if a new flavor is worth producing. I want to be that someone. Plus, Vermont is home to amazing cheese.

"Test batches" a/k/a poof they need me

Flight Attendant
True story, I'd do this regardless. Part of me wonders why I didn't realize this would be an awesome career for me way back when I was starting my college career. I mean who doesn't want to fly all over, for free no less. So I have to give people little drinks and see to minor emergencies, or possibly huge ones. The thing is, I love travel and if I can go places for free, I'm all over it.

Now, before you start judging me, here's the thing. I'd want to be a high-class escort which is entirely different from being, well, a whore. As an escort I'd get paid, handsomely I might add, to be some guys arm candy. Look, I'm not above it. If some dude wants me to escort him to some fancy pants event so he's not going stag, I'm not going to say no. Think Julia Roberts after she met Edward.

So those are my options. I've got six solid choices in the event this Paralegal thing doesn't work out. I mean, at this point it better, but you know, it's always good to have Plan B. Did I miss anything? What you your back up plans be?


  1. I wanted to be a librarian, did you know it requires a Master's degree!?!

    I mean how hard is it to check out and re-shelve books??

    I wonder what you have to do to be a flight attendant? That sounds like a fun job, as long as you don't get motion sickness.

  2. I thought about becoming a flight attendant! Clearly that did not pan out to well for me!

  3. Congrats on finishing up your bachelor's btw - I'm on my last leg of my masters and the shit's hard but you are TOTALLY RIGHT. If I'm paying, I'm staying lol.

    I would be a high-class escort in a heartbeat (minus my bf I guess). Burlesque is fucking awesome, so yeah - get it girl. New books (or new-old books) are the shit and I have so many I haven't read but had to have as's a sickness! Also - I thought the promo girl bit was hilarious and if I had a touch more confidence I'd be doing shit like that on stage than just standing behind my mic and worrying about what my arms are doing! LOL

  4. I'll be an escort only if I can have the Pretty Woman version of Richard Gere. Also, I think it would be totally fun to be a flight attendant!

  5. I am definitely with you on Librarian and Promo Girl! I think I would add Beer taster as well- you know that's a real profession? Crazy. Have a great weekend!