Wednesday, February 5, 2014

A Guide to Visiting NYC

Warning: Today's post contains more rage than should be allowed per individual.


I love it. You love it. Everyone on this damn planet loves it.

And yet people come here and have no idea how to act in a major city. It makes me twitch. The tourists that frequent this amazing city are, collectively, a bigger asshole than you'll find on the Statue of Liberty. How do you not know how to act? It's common sense people.

If you happen to be a tourist, then this post is all for you. Or maybe not. Think of it as a guide, a  rule book. These six points will spare you from the wrath of a pissed of New Yorker.

Tip #1| Do not stop in the middle of the sidewalk
This is probably the one that irritates us the most. You stop, directly in the middle of the sidewalk, with your 9746314 kids and family members to try to figure out which way to Broadway (although you're probably standing at one of its corners) or where to go to stuff your faces with overpriced "New York pizza". There's really only one thing we have to say to this: get the fuck out of the way.

Tip #2| Texters can't be walkers
If one more person walks into me because they're too busy looking at their dam phone I'm going to lose my shit. How hard is it to glance up and make sure you're not walking into someone?

Tip #3| Walking is like driving, stay to the right
This aggravates me purely on principle. I realize that escalators are moving stairs. Therefore, you don't actually have to walk up them. You can stand there motionless and still go where you need. Here's the thing though, escalators have rules. Much like the rules of the road. If you want to stand and chat, or if you have luggage stand on the right. If you're going to keep it moving, like myself, then feel free to walk on the left. 

Tip #4| They are skyscrapers and they all look the same
I've never been there but I'm pretty sure Chicago has skyscrapers. Same thing with L.A. and Boston. Miami too. How is it that people come to this city and feel the need to take pictures of buildings. And not historical monument buildings. Apartment and office buildings. I literally watched a European family take a picture of Worldwide plaza a few weeks ago. And in case you're wondering, it looks like this from street level...

Real impressive...
Tip #5| Don't stand so close to me
Just like the song says. "Don't stand, don't stand so, don't stand so close to me...." Seriously people. I realize we're all waiting for the light to change but I'd appreciate if if you'd get off my ass. There's no reason you need to be so close to me that I can feel you breathing. Maintain the bubble space at all times.

So there it is. Five major tips that will keep you from being screamed at, glared, and otherwise hated while visiting New York. Have a tip I forgot?


  1. I haven't been to NYC, but those tips are such common rules that I can't imagine not using them. In ANY city, stay to the right. And skyscrapers are skyscrapers - the only thing a little more fascinating about NYC is probably that there are so many huge ones piled on top of each other. And people standing too close is balls annoying - although I can understand if from another country since it's normal in many other places to crowd around. However in the U.S. we preach personal space and that 6ft bubble is NOT A SUGGESTION.

  2. All of these would annoy me too! Taking pictures of tall buildings is dumb unless they have crazy cool architecture or history. I definitely took more pics of buildings in Chicago than NYC, for the simple fact that they have some of the best architecture in the US. Mind you, we did that from a boat and not standing blocking foot traffic. Too funny, but great info!