Monday, June 9, 2014

Stuffed

Lately I’ve been having a recurring thought.


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Those 2 little words have been weighing on me lately. It seems like it should be such a simple thing to do, which of course means it’s not. And there's a reason for that. You can't find balance, you have to create it.

I have a variety of passions and trying to find time or money for all of them can be difficult. Add to that the fact that I get bored easily and it's kind of a recipe for shit salad. I'm a firm believer that there are truly not enough non-work hours in the day to get everything done or worked on. I used to create schedules for myself so that on certain days I'd focus on certain things. Talk about boring and monotonous. Let's just say that plan quickly fizzled.

Most of the time I stick with my mantra of dealing with one day at a time, and only with what is within my control. Even still I usually end up with the same feeling.




So what exactly has got me feeling stuffed?

For one, I'm on the fence about cancelling my weight watchers membership. It's not that I want to, but my goals are no longer as simple as "lose weight". Now that I lift, it's become my priority. I'm more interested in focusing on eating whole foods and taking care of me. Weight will come off, but differently. Perhaps I've learned all I can from WW? 

I'm still trapped on the finish college-find a job hamster wheel for one more semester. Not being finished with school precludes me from a lot of jobs, however, having a higher paying job would make my life easier three-fold. I'm still on the fence about whether money buys happiness. It would certainly pay debts and student loans and allow me to save money faster to take trips that I've been longing for. And that, that would make me happy.
Tying into the above struggle, let's be real here - my salary sucks. An increase would mean I wouldn't have to manipulate my check each pay day and would be able to buy new sneakers without the associated buyer's remorse. Seriously. I bought 4 new bras last week, from Marshalls, and I had buyer's remorse even before I paid for them. What this shit is that?!
And therein lies my first-world problem - creating a happy balance with those three priorities and living my life. Instead of doing I feel like my days consist mostly of planning. Don't get me wrong, I love planning, but what fun is it if nothing comes from it?
Really, I guess I'm just venting today. But this is where my mantra comes in. I focus on one day at a time and just keep going, because really, what other option is there? I found a great post on 5 Ways to Find Balance in Life and two of my favorite things were that "balance is fluid, it's flexible. Your definition of it changes constantly". And this.


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