Monday, March 23, 2015

Cake Boss

It seems like everyone in blogland has a side hustle. Whether that's design work, freelance writing, an Etsy shop... everyone is pulling in some extra dough. And kudos right? We could all use some extra dolla dolla bills. I'm happy to say that I think I finally stumbled on my own side hustle.

Last weekend was my friend's bachelorette party. As MOH it was my duty to host. I was given explicit directions that she wanted "penis everything". It's not my personal preference but what the bride wants, the bride gets.

I set about buying penis necklaces, lollipops, straws, and other trashy party gear. 

The soon t be Mrs requested that she have a phallic cake. Easy enough right? Spencer's sells the cake pans. I picked one up and then after browsing Google and Pinterest for decorating ideas I picked up all my cake baking goods. 

I opted for funfetti batter because why not. Plus it's the only cake mix worth buying. I didn't take pictures of this part because really, you should know how to follow box cake instructions. And if you don't, you're probably not old enough to even be reading this. After your cake is done, pop it out of the pan and onto a baking sheet {cake board if you have it}, let it cool, and add a layer of frosting. Set it aside and try not to eat the remaining icing in the container. 



Next comes the fun part. When I do things I like to give them my all. It's  the perfectionist in me. I knew that simply icing the cake wasn't going to be good enough. It needed to look real. I didn't want to spend the money, or go out again, to buy fondant. I stumbled across this recipe to make your own fondant. I was wary but figured it was worth the try.

This recipe called for only a bag of mallows, food coloring, vanilla extract, and confectioner's sugar. Super easy!

You start by dumping your mallows into a microwave safe bowl {pyrex for the win}, adding a few teaspoons of water and the vanilla. I probably put in a tablespoon of vanilla. Then you heat them in 30 second increments. You want them to poof up and melt but you don't want it all over your microwave so heat, stir, repeat.


Once they're all melted it should look like a bowl of fluff. Here's where you add your food coloring. To get the perfect flesh tone you're going to want to add 7 drops of red; 3 drops of yellow; and 2 drops of blue. It should look like the picture below - kind of a muted pink. 


Next, add a half cup of confectioner's sugar to your "fluff" and mix it all in. Then add another half cup and mix all of that in. You're going for a silly putty look. Keep adding confectioner's sugar until the mixture starts to no longer look like slime. 

This is the part that will get super messy if you don't lube up properly. You're going to want to put about 2-3 tablespoons of vegetable/canola oil on the counter, on your hands, and on the rolling pin. Otherwise when you're doing this next part you're going to look like this.


Once you're properly lubed up {no.. seriously. Trust me on this one} you're going to put the "dough" on the counter and start kneading in more confectioner's sugar. You want to add and knead until it starts to become silly putty. If your mix is still really sticky, add more sugar. I had about 3/4 of a bag in my cabinet and I used all of it. 

Once it's taking on some form you're going to keep rolling and kneading until you get the texture you want {pliable but firm} and then you're going to roll it out as much as possible. The shape doesn't matter since it's going over you're cake. Just roll it out so it's nice and even. 


Once you've placed it over your layer of frosting, start shaping it to the cake. Obviously since I wanted it to look uhh, authentic, I added "creases". This part is super easy because the fondant does exactly what it should and shapes perfectly. I added other touches but we don't need to get into that. This post is rated M enough as it is. 

Dessert is served!

I have to say for never having made one of these I was super impressed with myself. My bride and our friend loved it! Side hustle here I come!









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