April 14, 2015

A Letter to Little Miss

Little Miss-

It really is amazing how the days, and ultimately the years, go by. It's incredible to be able to look back at those years and see the way your perspective has changed. Never would I have ever thought that 3 years ago I would become an Aunt. And now, I can't imagine life any other way. 

I've watched you grow from a little ball of chub into a lean and tall little personality, just like your mom. You're different, but you're the same in many ways. You have her eyes, and her baby fine hair. And even when you're being a brat, you're still my most favorite person. 

In the past 3 years you've puked down my arm and peed in my lap, you've thrown my phone to the ground and spit juice on my iPad {you did get scolded for that one though} and yet I just go right along with it. Anyone who knows me well can tell you that kids are not my favorite people, at all. But you've shown me patience I never knew I had. It's probably just because it's you, but still, it's a big step for me.

As long as you always know that I will always be there for you. To help you, guide you, and lie for you {within reason} then I have done my job well, because I love you more than I have ever loved me.

Happy Birthday BFF!

April 10, 2015

Keep Yourself Open

When I left off I was waiting to hear back following the second interview. I didn’t have to wait long.

I wasn’t even home yet when the HR recruiter called to ask me how I think I did... and to give me the good news that I was being offered the position. Even typing that sentence makes me happy. She also informed me that she was able to get them to increase the base salary and we met in the middle of their “max” and my minimum. I accepted on the spot.

I was super excited and proud of myself. I almost passed up this opportunity. I almost didn’t go. As excited as I was the feelings of guilt were still coursing through my brain. How was I going to hand in my 2 week notice? What was I going to say?

Rationally, I know that I am replaceable. I know that they will find and hire someone else. I know that there won’t be any hard feelings. The fact that I’ve struggled with these feelings from the get-go isn’t a sign that this is a wrong move. Rather, I see it as a sign that I truly care about my job, my peers, and my reputation.

I wanted to give as much notice as possible but figured I should wait until Friday since “studies show” that’s when people are in a better mood. I probably should have just ripped the band-aid off and given my notice  Wednesday because waiting the next 4 days was torture. 

When it finally came time for me to hand in my resignation, I tried to be an adult. Instead I did everything I could not to burst into tears. I wish someone could be in my brain to truly know how hard of a decision this was; how much guilt I was feeling. I've never felt this way before. I've never left a job I didn't hate. There's nothing I hate about my job. So why leave then?

I chose to leave because I knew that I was going to start feeling stagnant. When you work in a small firm there really isn't any upward mobility. In fact, there's none. The clients change, but the job doesn't. Unfortunately {fortunately?} I am someone who doesn't do well with being stagnant. So in the long run, I did myself a favor. Instead of staying in my "relationship", knowing the routine like rote, I've broken up with my job, as comfortable as it was, and am trying something new. 

If I'm being honest, it's scary... and oh so exciting.

April 06, 2015

Life After 30

Now that I’m 30 I can definitely see where some of my priorities have shifted. I now care more about taking care of myself and building as many savings accounts as I can instead of what my weekend plans are. In fact, if my weekend plans consist of ‘do nothing’, I consider that a successful weekend. Being 30 has made me realize some other things as well...

I’m such a homebody.
Somewhere I knew this was always a big thing with me. I greatly enjoy time alone and if I can go an entire weekend obligation free, I’m happy. It’s not to say I don’t want to hang out with friends or go do something, it’s just that I really value my time at home.

Fat isn’t friendly.
This is kind of a given but I swear I notice it a lot more now. When you’re in your 20s and want to drop weight, you skip a few meals, ramp up your cardio or just stop drinking soda. Now, you gotta send in the entire army. Cut down on bread, exercise more, eat more greens, read nutrition labels.... it’s serious work to lose even 10 pounds.

Kitty’s claws are out
Everyone and everything annoys me. From the people on the bus to other drivers, my Facebook feed to {sometimes} my coworkers.... My list of pet peeves is growing by the month.

10 pm is bedtime
I don't know when it happened or how it happened but 10 pm is the magic hour for me. And that magic involves hitting the pillow. What's even better is if I'm in bed by 9:30 and asleep by 10, Seriously. This is a joy. 

This needs to be my middle name. It's just my all encompassing feeling about just about everything. That's not to say that I don't care, it's just that I'm really like, whatever man. I don't put in more effort than needed. I have no reason, or desire, to impress people. I don't care about what's trending or the "in" thing. It's just not me.

So, for the record....

April 01, 2015

Overwhelming Emotions

Mentally these past few weeks have been super stressful for me. There’s been a lot going on behind the scenes and I’ve felt every feeling possible about it. 

Early in March I was feeling very fed up with my job. Not because I disliked my work, or my coworkers, or even my bosses. I was just feeling stagnant and unfulfilled. I decided it was time to start searching. Given that the search for a new job is much like a part time job in its own right, I figured I would bide my time and just keep my eyes open. I was wrong. 

Within a week of starting my search I had an interview at a firm in Manhattan. I was immediately invited back for round 2. We scheduled the second interview for the following Monday afternoon. 

I truly like my employers. These 4 attorneys are some of the best I have ever worked with. They’re laid back, serious, fun, and down to earth. One is actually a former professor. To say it’s a family firm is an understatement. I was immediately overcome with feelings of guilt. I’ve only been here 8 months; there will only be 1 assistant to handle everything; they’ve been good to me; I know my boss; If I was offered the position, how was I going to give my resignation? Waves of non-stop guilt kept flooding over me. 

By Friday morning my feet were cold. I was all set to cancel Monday’s appointment and even e-mailed my recruiter telling her as much. I was second guessing everything. She talked me off the ledge however, and encouraged me to go to the second interview. In my mind I told myself to go, give it my best, but to remember that I was in control. Even if they offered, it didn’t mean I needed to accept. Still, there was something about this firm that just kept tugging at me. Something was telling me that this position, this firm, was different. That this was important and that it mattered.

I went in Monday afternoon feeling much more confident than I did Friday morning. I sat with the firm’s HR recruiter again and she further encouraged me. By the time I left Monday, I wanted this job again. But now we wait...