April 10, 2015

Keep Yourself Open

When I left off I was waiting to hear back following the second interview. I didn’t have to wait long.

I wasn’t even home yet when the HR recruiter called to ask me how I think I did... and to give me the good news that I was being offered the position. Even typing that sentence makes me happy. She also informed me that she was able to get them to increase the base salary and we met in the middle of their “max” and my minimum. I accepted on the spot.

I was super excited and proud of myself. I almost passed up this opportunity. I almost didn’t go. As excited as I was the feelings of guilt were still coursing through my brain. How was I going to hand in my 2 week notice? What was I going to say?

Rationally, I know that I am replaceable. I know that they will find and hire someone else. I know that there won’t be any hard feelings. The fact that I’ve struggled with these feelings from the get-go isn’t a sign that this is a wrong move. Rather, I see it as a sign that I truly care about my job, my peers, and my reputation.

I wanted to give as much notice as possible but figured I should wait until Friday since “studies show” that’s when people are in a better mood. I probably should have just ripped the band-aid off and given my notice  Wednesday because waiting the next 4 days was torture. 

When it finally came time for me to hand in my resignation, I tried to be an adult. Instead I did everything I could not to burst into tears. I wish someone could be in my brain to truly know how hard of a decision this was; how much guilt I was feeling. I've never felt this way before. I've never left a job I didn't hate. There's nothing I hate about my job. So why leave then?

I chose to leave because I knew that I was going to start feeling stagnant. When you work in a small firm there really isn't any upward mobility. In fact, there's none. The clients change, but the job doesn't. Unfortunately {fortunately?} I am someone who doesn't do well with being stagnant. So in the long run, I did myself a favor. Instead of staying in my "relationship", knowing the routine like rote, I've broken up with my job, as comfortable as it was, and am trying something new. 

If I'm being honest, it's scary... and oh so exciting.

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