Wednesday, April 1, 2015

Overwhelming Emotions

Mentally these past few weeks have been super stressful for me. There’s been a lot going on behind the scenes and I’ve felt every feeling possible about it. 

Early in March I was feeling very fed up with my job. Not because I disliked my work, or my coworkers, or even my bosses. I was just feeling stagnant and unfulfilled. I decided it was time to start searching. Given that the search for a new job is much like a part time job in its own right, I figured I would bide my time and just keep my eyes open. I was wrong. 

Within a week of starting my search I had an interview at a firm in Manhattan. I was immediately invited back for round 2. We scheduled the second interview for the following Monday afternoon. 

I truly like my employers. These 4 attorneys are some of the best I have ever worked with. They’re laid back, serious, fun, and down to earth. One is actually a former professor. To say it’s a family firm is an understatement. I was immediately overcome with feelings of guilt. I’ve only been here 8 months; there will only be 1 assistant to handle everything; they’ve been good to me; I know my boss; If I was offered the position, how was I going to give my resignation? Waves of non-stop guilt kept flooding over me. 

By Friday morning my feet were cold. I was all set to cancel Monday’s appointment and even e-mailed my recruiter telling her as much. I was second guessing everything. She talked me off the ledge however, and encouraged me to go to the second interview. In my mind I told myself to go, give it my best, but to remember that I was in control. Even if they offered, it didn’t mean I needed to accept. Still, there was something about this firm that just kept tugging at me. Something was telling me that this position, this firm, was different. That this was important and that it mattered.

I went in Monday afternoon feeling much more confident than I did Friday morning. I sat with the firm’s HR recruiter again and she further encouraged me. By the time I left Monday, I wanted this job again. But now we wait...

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