June 10, 2015

English, Why You So Hard

I truly feel bad for any non-native English speakers trying to learn our crazy language because at times it makes NO sense. We have words that sound the same but are spelled differently {homophone}, words that are spelled the same but pronounced differently {homograph}, and then there’s the slang.

But then there are those phrases that you hear tossed around every now and then, or you find yourself using them, but when you stop and think about it, they make absolutely no sense. At least to me.

Dollars to donutsSomeone, anyone please explain this to me. Personally, I’d rather have the dollars.

Greatest thing since sliced bread - Sliced bread is pretty awesome but c'mon... pizza, beer, french fries, cannolis.

Throwing haymakers - How exactly does one make hay? And further, how does one throw that?

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A bird in the hand is worth more than two in the bushI don’t even bother with this one. It makes absolutely NO sense.

Ass over teacup - Granted I know what this means - you took a tumble - but what does that have to do with a teacup?

Johnny on the spot - First of all, who is Johnny? And where is he exactly?

The proof is in the pudding - I don't want anything in my pudding. Unless it's rice. Rice can be in pudding. Little balls of gelatin and pistachios are also acceptable. But if there has to be proof it better be 80.

Smart as a whip - This one I might understand. When a whip cracks, it "smarts". However "smarts" means hurts so then I'm lost again.

Ace in the hole - Again... clueless as to the meaning. What, or who, is the ace, and why is it in a hole?

Cute as a button - I can honesty say that there has only been one time in my life when I looked at a button and called it cute.

Broad Daylight or Pitch black - As if daylight is ever narrow? Who came up with these phrases? 

I'll bet my bottom dollar - what exactly does this mean? Is it your LAST dollar? Because if that's the case maybe you should hang on to it and call 1-800-GAMBLER.

It's the bee's knees - I wasn't even aware bees had knees, so.... I mean sure they have leg joints, but I don't know if I'd be so presumptuous to call them knees.

She thinks he's the cat's meow - Umm. what? So he's an annoying sound that wakes you up at 5:30 every morning demanding to be fed? Girrrl, keep moving.

Tighter than a crab's ass - I don't even know what to say about this one except I love me some crab cakes. Omnomnomnom.

Colder than a witch's tit - This one especially boggles my Mom. Her theory, a witch stands over a hot cauldron therefore her tits shouldn't be cold at all. Makes sense to me.

Seriously, the English language is weird. Did I miss any? Better yet, if you can explain any of them that would be great too.

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