Wednesday, November 9, 2016

Loss

I sit here with a million thoughts running through my head. 

I woke up at 4 AM, checked my phone, read a few articles, and then started to cry. I then took to Twitter and my tears turned to an ugly cry. 

I realize that perhaps today, while fully in my feelings, is not the best time to write, it's the only way I can process this. Writing has always been my go to. I'm not going to sit here and say that America failed me, though, in my opinion, it did. I'm not going to pretend this wasn't a reality, because it was. And I'm certainly not going to pretend I'm not scared. For myself, my friends, and perfect strangers. 

America has problems. We all know/knew this. I guess I just gave us the benefit of the doubt. And that was my error. We are a racist, xenophobic, homophobic, misogynistic country and I'm terrified for the future. 

I'm terrified at the thought of Rove v. Wade (1977) being overturned.

I'm terrified about someone with such a narcissistic personality is now the face of this country.

I'm terrified someone who verbally, emotionally, and physically assaults others is now in charge of this nation.

I'm terrified that someone who can be riled up by a 140-character message and responds with hate is who this country thought was a better choice. 

I'm terrified someone who makes money by exploiting small businesses is in charge of foreign policy.



I truly feel numb. And yet it's something akin to loss. True, heart-breaking, world-flipping loss. Watching the results come in last night gave me nothing other than a sickening feeling. This was happening. For the record, it wasn't about Hilary for me. There are no words for how proud I am that a woman was even on the ballot, but if it had been Mickey Mouse running against Trump, I would have voted for the Mouse. 

What's more is that when I was seen sitting at my laptop just now and was asked why I'm crying about him being president. That right there? That makes me cry harder. It doesn't make me feel less because I am NOT less. It just,,, hurts. 

For me, this means it's time to buckle down. It's time to pay attention to the news and politics more than ever before. We need to stand and band together to be stronger than our oppressors. 








5 comments :

  1. I can't even begin to imagine, typically I am not really a black & white person, especially when it comes to two choices there are often pros & cons and rarely an all out wrong answer versus right answer...but this looked different. I think what upsets me isn't that he won, but that SO many others agree with his views and values. I am definitely feeling extra thankful to be Canadian today!

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  2. My heart is broken today. I keep waiting for someone I respect and admire and who is knowledgeable to say something I can find comfort in, but they're not. Because there's nothing to say right now.

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  3. I gave us the benefit of the doubt too. That I believed enough people saw through him: his lies, his racism, his xenophobia, his misogyny and his narcissism. They either didn't or agreed, which breaks my heart. I've been in literal pain since last, coupled with a lot of fear. Fear that people will see the color of my skin and slant of eyes and think it okay to judge me and hate me because of those things. That the alt-right has become mainstream and acceptable. That hate and violence are acceptable responses when someone disagrees with you. Most of all, I am pissed that I feel so much hate inside. But I'm going to work through it because I sure as hell am not going to give up my goodness over that orange turd.

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  4. i am in shock, honestly. i can't believe this happened. someone i work with asked me why i was upset and scared, and that upsets me more. how can you not know why i am afraid? how can you ignore the kind of person you elected? you are right though, i got the same feeling - time to start paying more attention and hopefully being involved more. the first thing i said to KC was that i'm going to try and become a citizen before the next election so I can at least feel like i didn't sit idly by. i stupidly thought the rest of america would do what i wanted them to do.

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  5. I had to go home from work because I couldn't stop crying at my desk. I'm heartbroken. I just couldn't make myself believe that there were enough Americans that felt that all of those groups of people that he belittled and insulted and mocked and discriminated against (and all the other bad things he's done) were that unimportant.

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