September 22, 2017

Honesty Feels Like...


Is this thing on?

I know. It's only been 342857 days since I've shown up here to actually post something. And I know we all talk about blogger funks and summer schedules, because it IS a very real thing. But if I'm being honest, I have had absolutely no desire to show up in this space, or lately, in life. I have been feeling disinterested in a lot of things lately. I haven't wanted to plan, or read, or go out, or work out... all of which are taking a toll.

It's funny to me that while drafting this I put it on pause. I decided to start catching up with all of you only to read that both Kristen and Lindsay posted about being off and in a funk as well. It was nice to know that I wasn't alone in my feelings.

I am a strong believe in goals and plans. Even if I don't always follow them, it helps me to have an outline of sorts. Here is what I'm doing to to stop feeling stuck:

/continue working out - go harder: I started going back to the gym regularly a few weeks ago. I got twice a week during my lunch break, one of which is a personal training session. I also try to go on Saturdays but haven't been successful yet. I need to commit to this. I also need to increase my intensity.

/start cooking at home again: If there's one thing I enjoy, it's cooking. Mixing ingredients, blending flavors. It really does make me happy. Another perk, it will save money in the long run. I fully intend to make use of both of my crock-pots this season.

/read more - actually finish a book: I am notorious for starting, yet not finishing books. I love reading. Every time I think about this all I can say is wtf is wrong with you?!  finish the g-d book! I'm 6 books away from completing my Goodreads challenge and if I finish the books I'm currently reading, I'll be halfway there

/stop being all or nothing: I am very much an all-or-nothing kind of person. To the point where perfection {which I never though of myself as} leads to procrastination {this I've known}. I have always been relaxed and go-with-the-flow and although that hasn't changed, my Type A tendencies are becoming stronger as I'm getting older and I'm not quite sure how to deal with them.

/be more informed: It's no secret that I dislike the news. On a general level, it bores me to tears. I don't have any interest in things that are going on, literally, on the other side of the world. And yes, I realize how ignorant this is. And yes, it does bother me. To the point where I am making a point to read at least 3 news articles a day. And not from Buzzfeed or Refinery 29. I downloaded BBC News and selected several categories that I felt I would have an interest in.

/focus on finances: This has been a point of stress for me for longer than I can remember. I make a decent salary. My expenses aren't unmanageable. There's no reason for me not to have a built up savings account and the ability to travel at will . What's preventing this from happening? My impulsive shopping and eating out. I'm bored with having lingering CC debt. Time to wrap it up and get rid of it.

Like Kristen said in her post, I don't want to say that I'm unhappy, because overall, I'm not. I have a good life. But I know that happiness must come from within so this is my game plan. These are the areas in my life I feel less than and this is how I intend to build myself back up.

What do you do to get back on track with yourself?


  1. I feel this. I was in this place for a good chunk of the first part of this year. For me, the magic was in small steps. I used to very much be an all-or-nothing person too -- one slip-up and I'd quit altogether. But oddly, this year I've realized I'm actually growing OUT of my Type A aggressiveness and becoming more Type B, which is definitely better for my heart health, for one thing. I do give a huge amount of credit to a bald man for that. But anyway, I know that's not easy to just say you'll do and do. But I think one thing you CAN do is to be gentler with yourself when attempting changes. I made tiny, almost invisible incremental changes that ended up altogether changing things in a big, positive way for me. So for example, with finances, start with something like maybe adding one PF blog to your reading list, or going one day a week no-spend, or instituting a rule where anything you want to buy has to be on your shopping list for one week before you can pull the trigger. Stuff like that. With news, start small with The Skimm daily or another publication's daily digest. Reading, bring your book and read for 5 minutes on the train every day before you do anything else. It's all in the little stuff, which is so much more manageable when you're in a funk anyway. Good luck!

  2. Ahh I've been there for so long, in fact the majority of last year was like that. No motivation for anything - blogging writing reading etc. Just a funk. Give yourself grace and take one step at a time. My advice? Focus on one thing at a time if trying to accomplish it all overwhelms you. Rooting for ya!

  3. I need to focus on my finances too. I started a new job so I'm working with a new salary & since I'm making more, I need to make a conscious effort to save money & pay off debts faster.

  4. I forced myself to stay in last night just because I was feeling like everything at home was getting neglected, and it was starting to make me anxious. It was absolutely necessary and I felt so much better about everything this morning. I'm getting back into cooking at home (even though I dislike it) and reading. Finishing a book (albeit at 4am) definitely pushed me out of my reading rut. These seem like completely attainable goals- good luck!

  5. so i got laid off at the end of july last year, and at first, i was okay with this. i was doing about eighty hours worth of work a week and getting paid for forty of it. i was an editorial assistant at a newspaper, responsible for two sections' worth of stories, usually about six, and the creation of two to seven calendars of events a week. i'd been doing this for about eighteen months, and my editor would add more responsibilities every other month it seemed, but i never got a raise in pay or a change in title from e.a. to reporter. i was not happy. i kept telling myself to job hunt, but i would be so tired from the work that i didn't want to spend my free time job hunting. and then god forced my hand. my faith was pretty strong at that point, so i kept telling myself god's got this. he knows where you're going, and he'll get you there when he's ready for you to be there. i made my resume look the best it's looked ever, i sent it out... and the longer i went without work, the weaker my faith and confidence became. i'd been excited about the opportunity to have some time to work on my novel, but really i'm clueless when it comes to love and friendships, and the more i thought about that, the more i thought i've no right to tell these characters' stories. so i've spent a lot of time on my blog, because it's the only thing i think i do well, and even that isn't enough for me because it gets so little notice.

    so yeah, i'm in a funk.

    the point of all this is... you're not alone, lady.

    i tell myself when i wake up in the morning, that i woke up, and there must be a reason for that. that's how i keep going. even if the only good i do that day is smile at someone. maybe that person's in a funk, too, and could use the light.

  6. I get it. I commented on Kristen's post saying that I've also been in a funk since we started our remodel and maybe that's what's subconsciously pulling her down too.
    I feel like I'm always trying to figure out what's next and it leads me in circles and that can be enough to pull me down.